Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
