dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Randomize
