Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
