I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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