Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize