how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
