I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
