I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
