i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
