His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
And then he peed in my hair
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize