i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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