I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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