I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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