I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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