I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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