btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
