I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
