The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I just had sex on a roof
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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