I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
