So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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