Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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