My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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