I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
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