I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
We smell like vodka and hangover
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