literally had 100 drinks last night.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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