That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
