My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
