umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
