I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
dude. I can hear the air.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
