I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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