Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Randomize
