Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
