Her vagina should come with caution tape.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
