does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
porn star boner night. come get it.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
