Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize