Will you blow on my dice?
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
