I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You made out with two different species that night
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
how does that bad decision feel?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
