They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
