Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
