I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
