The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
