So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
