i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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