I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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