dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
