im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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