He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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