Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
