Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
