You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize