Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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