So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
