Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
a search helicopter?!
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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