Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
