in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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