When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
