so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
