i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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