dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
