Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
