i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize