PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
