I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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