She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Randomize
