is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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