i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
