I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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