This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Come on in and take your pants off
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