Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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