six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
