you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
