like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
