just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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