I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize