i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
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