Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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