I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
