There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
