Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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