Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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