last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize