At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
