my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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