I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize