i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
