you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
