yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
