Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
