I hate all girls vehemently.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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