do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
