your thong is hanging out like whoa
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
