Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
