Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
