the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize