I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize