Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
