I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
