forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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