Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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