im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
